“The greatest relationships are the ones where you’ll always love him, even when he’s forgotten all about you. The ones where you’re changed forever because of him. The ones that you will always smile about because while they were flawed, they were still amazing. The ones where you fought what you knew was going to happen because you couldn’t quite come to terms with losing him. the ones that remind you love lost is better than never having loved at all.”—
why people rush into things, or let themselves be stuck with a certain person. I don’t see the reason behind why people settle for less and then complain about how much it bothers them. You’re only doing it to yourself… If you know you deserve better, then go after what’s really worthy of you! Don’t settle for something that plays with your mind constantly and makes you feel like nothing. It makes me sad to see people go after things that they are far more better than. Ohwell… everyone learns their lessons on their own time… and sometimes it takes more than one incident for the lesson to be learned. No doubt I will support those who are close to me that go through such instances because I know how it feels to be confused and what not.. but damn.. one day everyone’s going to go through the realization of how much time they wasted and all the effort that went unappreciated.
So I let ‘em roam towards these girls that love to flirt, ‘cause they ain’t worth it since they too busy lurkin’ on these females that don’t recognize their worth. I let ‘em be, ‘cause I wait for a true gentleman to shed some light on me. Not he, who’s interested in a fling, but he, who takes interest in the potential to “be”. These hoes just wanna ride on your attention, but they do the same to those other dudes and play you for your affection. So you’re checkin’ ‘em and then you look past this mentality that some of these other girls lack. So I let ‘em roam, ‘cause I never give a dog a bone.
I feel like no matter how far I think I’ve gotten away from the things I constantly worry about, I just find myself even closer to them… Maybe it’s the fact that I keep trying to run away from things that I’m just forced into facing them.. thing is I don’t even know what I’m running away from. I just know I’m running away.. from something.. something I’m afraid to accept. They say don’t run away from things, run into them.. I guess that’s what I should do.. I’m just never really satisfied… that’s the down fall of me never having expectations anymore..
“Random. I may be nonchalant towards certain, if not most, things but there’s a part of me that actually does care. There’s a reason for that. I guess it just depends on what the circumstances are—this is probably where my selfish tendencies take place. I will only care if the matter has a particular affect on me because why waste your time on something you don’t really care about, right? We all do it, some just fail to recognize it. Hey, you’re only giving yourself an advantage by looking out for yourself. So fuck it, better to have your guards up than down, right? Some food for thought for ya.”—
Day 14 - Your earliest memory: Going to South Shore in Alameda with my parents and trying to knock down all the spaghetti sauce jars in Safeway and screaming ice cream. Day 15 - Your favorite tumblrs: runwaytrain.tumblr.com eletheowl.tumblr.com tellytothe.tumblr.com Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music: Honestly I don’t mind it. It’s whatever, if something sounds good to me I’ll like it. Those who say they hate the radio music have become mainstream in my opinion. Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year: Lows were definitely the beginning up until April. Highs… there have been way too many now that I think about it. Day 18 - Your beliefs: I believe that everything has a reason for happening, and whatever is meant to be will find its place no matter how long it takes. I also believe that self-respect is the best thing anyone can have and that the only thing that should matter to you is the truth you know about yourself despite what others may perceive you as. Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents: It’s a no-no, but what can I say.. it happens nonetheless. :| Day 20 - How important you think education is: Education is very important to me. Its something that no one can take away. People may challenge it and question it, but they will never amount to the education that has taught me to be the person I am today. It should not be taken for granted. Day 21 - One of your favorite shows: BOY MEETS WORLD<3 Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?: November 2008. I was a Junior in high school… Hm.. I am no longer as impulsive and passive.. I’ve learned how to stand my ground and find the things that are most important to me. At the same time, I still feel like the exact same person who just views life differently.. Does that even make any sense? haha
& mind games… Oh how I know how it all goes.. I thought I already learned how to be assertive with these things? I guess deep down I’m still the same ol’ passive Jaycee who would much rather get hurt than hurt others… when will I ever learn?!
I’ve been out of this game for quite a while now that I fail at sensing things. I had to hear from 3 different people the same thing that I was so oblivious to. I mean, I guess I sort of saw it.. but it was no biggie to me because I’m not used to those sort of things anymore. Annnnd now that I question it and know that in the back of my mind the feeling in my gut was true I feel kind of stupid that it’s taking me this long?.. No idea. I don’t know where I’m going with this honestly haha. All I know is that something is there, and I have opened my eyes to that… and no matter the circumstances.. maybe I’ll let something good pass me up, maybe I won’t. Maybe I will go for it.. and maybe I’ll just stick to my comfort zone and ignore it… these things come and go.. but maybe it’s time. I should’ve just followed my gut to begin with.. if I did I would not be in this position right now, and these circumstances wouldn’t even matter.. OH JAYCEEEEE.
It seems like so much time has passed between you and I. All I can think is how things change so quickly in a matter of seconds, minutes, days, weeks, to months. You’ve become nothing but a mere image of what was, but yet your presence remains existent in the back of my head. You were a part of…
Why do you do this to yourself? and then complain about complaining?! Sheesh.. get it together girl! You are better than this.. and you know it.. either it’s your pride or fear of rejection. Whatever it is… you’re letting it get to you :/
Sometimes, someone comes into your life that changes everything. They're able to make you smile, laugh, and allow you to be yourself. There's something about them that is unexplainable; and even though you're not even with them, you don't want to let that person go.
Although situations rarely ever go the way I planned, and relationships I build with people sometimes tend to end quicker than they started. I always know that something better will come along that's worthwhile.
Certain days there are things that just trigger my mind into wandering places that I’ve been and did not like before. I end up stuck there and allow everything to pass me by. This is such a bad habit of mine. I need to get rid of this.. otherwise I’m never going to feel good enough for anything…WEEEEEEIIIRDD.
My First Love: Oh… well my first love was also my first heartbreak. All I can say is that it was an experience that has changed me forever. It taught me many lessons not just about myself, but how I deal with people, and people in general. It taught me who my real friends are, it taught me how horrible you will feel if you let your emotions take over you, and mostly it taught me that people/things change. The concept of change is inevitable has been engraved into my mind after the experience and I now know to never try so hard on trying to keep things the way they were when you know you don’t like the way things are.. My first love was a hell of a roller coaster.. and for the most part I enjoyed the ride.. I put myself through most of the things that happened and I am fine with admitting that. It has showed me that no matter how much two people want to be a part of each other’s lives, things just don’t work out in their favor. That’s life. Jake Oliver Slonecker was my first love.. and there is no way that I will ever forget it.
My First Kiss: My first kiss was freshman year in high school while watching The Grudge 2. He kissed me on the cheek, then I kissed him back… then next thing I knew he was going to kiss me on my cheek again and then I turned around and BAM.. Jaycee’s littol lips were touched for ze first time… He also ended up being my first real boyfriend. Wow. HAHA Jaden Golez.. I wonder how he’s doing…
In the future I just hope to be happy and healthy and make reasonable decisions while taking responsibility for any consequences. I want to live MY life without any barriers but also make an impact in someone’s life, preferably positive. I just hope I’m happy and successful with whatever I do.
Eddy the Russian invited me to go smoke with him… I said no… but I just had to make note of this day.. because he is never social and I’m sure Meg will be proud of me for getting him to actually wanting to hang out with me..
Oh I also got tied up today.. but I returned the favor. Thank you very much Andrew Pinto for the new tumblr name. INVASION OF PRIVACY MUCH.
Dang.. today was really just eventful. I need to write better entries.